Lamentable Dustmen vol. 5
E is for Embarrassing
Franklin Chancelor Edmonson
Record: 2-17 - 0.105
Streak: 5
Last Win: June 11, 2011
Notes: This dude is named Franklin Chancellor Edmonson and he decided to become a cage fighter. That’s just bad life planning. With that kind of name, he should have become an investment firm.
Best Names: Jerry Barron, Albert Stainbeck, Tim Stout, Jason Coomer, Courage Tshabalala
Jason Ehresmann
Record: 6-24 - 0.200
Streak: 6
Last Win: October 15, 2011
Notes: Ehresmann has one of my favorite moments in Dustman Lore, lying about your record to a regional organization. Of his fights that I watched, he’s shown a predilection for jumping guillotines, failing, and getting pummeled.
Best Names: Chris Descourouez, Justin Reason, Cameron Schrempp, Chuck Parmelee
Jay Ellis
Record: 16-107 (0-5 boxing, 0-1 Muay Thai) - 0.130
Current Streak: 10
Last Win: November 5, 2021
Notes: It’s said you learn more from a loss than a win. Jay Ellis must be the most knowledgeable fighter of all time. Apparently none of that information is actually applicable to fighting, since Jay keeps catching Ls. I mean, his name is Jay L is, Jay is Ls. Talk about nominative determinism.
Best Names: Andy Normington, Mike Stumpf, Caleb Krull, James Warfield-Lane, Bobby Reardanz
Gary Ellison
Record: 0-10 (2 Ineligible) - 0.000
Notes: I discovered two great moments in Ellison’s fight history. There was one fight when he was announced as Will Cairns, though the on-screen graphic and YouTube title list it as a “Garry Ellison” fight. Second is one bout when he took a low kick, fell down, took one hammerfist, but the opponent backed off, and Gary looked confused that the fight was going to continue. It lasted about thirty more seconds, but Gary really thought the fight was supposed to be over once his back hit the canvas. The old “This fight is going to be three hits. You hit me, I hit the floor, you hit me one more time to finish me off”, but it didn’t go exactly to plan for Gary.
Best Names: Erol Raif, Jordan Stronge, David Relph
Chris Ensley
Record: 6-46 - 0.115
Streak: 18
Last Win: May 30, 2014
Notes: One fight saw Ensley announced as being 42-38. The lies. The lies! His fighting style is to bounce on his toes and throw the world’s slowest kicks. Somehow this has not worked for him.
Best Names: Jake Albinio, Sterling Ford, Dave Courchaine, Jessee Gengler
Brad Evans
Record: 3-17 - 0.150
Streak: 5
Last Win: August 3, 2019
Notes: I’ll say this for Evans, he doesn’t instantly give up and go limp when ground and pound starts raining down. There was even one fight when he escaped and got back to his feet, if only briefly.
Best Names: Ash Williams, Reece Street, Decky Dalton
Ty Evans
Record: 0-12 - 0.000
Notes: I’m not sure how this happened, mostly because I refuse to watch this particular fight, but after losing 9 straight in the first round, his most recent bout went the full 15 minutes. Congrats on the perseverance, Ty!
Best Names: Baraq Hunter, Willis Boudoin