Lamentable Dustmen: Jobbers of MMA Vol. 2
B is for Bad
Robert Bennett
Record: 1-11 - 0.083
Streak: 7
Last Win: June 8, 2013
Notes: In the two fights of Bennett’s that I watched, he gets floored very easily. He has some attempts at a guard game, putting his feet on the opponent’s hips, looking to control the wrists, but he doesn’t do anything of note. In one fight, Poor Bob gives up his back after some perfunctory ground and pound and easily submits to a choke. In the other, he just gets pounded out with ease.
Best Names: Michael Cockerham, Eric Slocum
Scott “Lionheart” Blevins
Record: 0-17 - 0.000
Notes: Scott is an amazing lens into the power of delusion. In the fights I’ve seen (And based on his record, this holds for all of his fights), Blevins swings wildly, falls over, turtles up and gets punched or tapped out, usually under 60 seconds. He’s done this 17 times in a row, and he still has a few callout videos proclaiming himself to be the “UFC Underdog”, and asking for rematches against guys that trounced him easily, or sometimes just calling out actual (At the time) UFC fighters like Spencer Fisher and Miguel Torres for various perceived slights. Trust me, Scott, if 2-1 Jeff Jenkins could handle you, an actual professional fighter who’s actually good would have done a literal war crime to you.
Best Names: Robert Mondloch, Braxton Shirar, Lucas Staehler
Blake “The Punisher” Breitsprecher
Record: 3-14 - 0.176
Streak: 5
Last Win: March 9, 2013
Notes: Breitsprecher is another guy with an official record that deviates wildly from what gets announced on the grainy, 240p videos of his fights uploaded 15 years ago. In one such bout, he was listed as a champion of multiple organizations, boasting a 20-12 record. In that fight, a loss to Rakim Cleveland, Blake threw slapping leg kicks, tried some spinning body kicks, and showed decent takedowns. He got caught in some submissions, and was ultimately finished by giving up his back and tapping out after absorbing 4 punches. There’s also a video of him singing the National Anthem before an event in Iowa, so Blake “The Punisher” Breitsprecher is a multi-faceted individual, it’s just that one facet (fighting other men for money) is terrible, and the other (an ok singing voice) isn’t good enough to pay the bills.
Best Names: Chuck Parmelee, Roy Jones
Did He He Fight Travis Fulton: At 0-0, when Fulton was 242-46, then twice more in boxing, plus again in MMA, at 3-10, with Fulton at 251-50 (3 years from their first fight)